deathbed
I bask in my thoughts looking at old photographs of my friends, fragments of life, film faded and yellowed healthy carriers of memories for me still alive. I loved to be caressed by the warmth of the past. Engulfed and relive it. Press and hold the pause button and stop to dilate. Dilute. Slowly take a drug made of situations experienced. A drug free which I had my one and pusher of personal trust.
cane back office, padding my silent emotional onanism.
-Ale ... .... ... ... Hey Ale Ale your phone rings for 5 minutes. answer! -
The determined voice of Silvia I suddenly catapult away from my memories, and so far as it had always been since it came into my life, brings me back to reality very quickly. Now answer
-relaxed-
Private number. Result
few seconds.
-Ready-
-Am-Matthew
-Gee Teo! What a surprise! I have at hand a picture of us ten years ago. Remember when ... - Al-
must-see stop me now with dark voice.
-But you .. what happened? .. Hey-
-take the first plane tomorrow, I'll wait I'll call you in Sardinia to tell you where.
Matthew speaks softly but leaves no room for replicas.
- Do not ask more. Do not call Sarah, she knows nothing.
-But why? Matthew's happening? Matthew .. oh?
you-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu you you you you ... ... ....
remain motionless with a cell phone in hand, staring eyes and a sense of emptiness.
-Hey baby were with God in the phone? Pass it to me I have to say something too me?. Ale there? ... What have you got? - I
Silvia steals the joint, takes a hit and crumpled in the ashtray on the glass coffee table.
me off his tie while listening to the rustling leaves his shirt collar. She looks at me curiously.
-Nothing is ... ok .-
-Mah ... From the move that is ready-
-Arrival .-
I run to the bathroom. I know my friend for 24 years. And 'something really strange happened.
something serious ... I have no idea what it might be.
not true I have no idea. Something is coming back from the past.
are white-faced.
The voice of Matthew was much louder than his words with no reasons for the trip that I will do tomorrow.
I do a wash the face.
I try not to worry about Silvia, I remember the rules and now more than ever should be observed. I take a deep breath, close the valve and open the door to the first.
Almost.
-Dai Ale that is cold. The Doors damage to the canvas. Your favorite movie right? -
Oh well ... Pass the salt please-
have dinner in a hurry, I pretended interest and participation for what it really is a film that I love, and for this reason that I've seen forty-five times.
The enthusiasm and joy of Silvia, who sat with his mandolin made me fall in love in two months ago, now irritate me and make me nervous. Little
hunger. Few words. Many thoughts.
.... This is the end .. my only friend the end ... .... The blue bus is calling us .. Silvia
hums kidnapped and happy brushing his hands. Yes dear Jim
someone is calling. It is not a psychedelic blue bus. We are not in the desert. I would like a peyote Jim hour.
-As we are serious ... did you see that fantastic shorts I bought are?-She \u200b\u200bwhispers brushing the earlobe with his lips warm.
-Si-
nice quick meal. White sofa. Me and Silvia. Crouching. Close, but distant.
His fingers began to creep like snakes malicious on my thighs, with your fingertips follow the seams of trousers, along the belt, leaving back his shirt buttons open on their way to stretched skin and chills.
It 's a tiny pixie curly raven-haired, slightly almond-shaped eyes and mouth regularly. Sensuality whiskers, innocent and spontaneous, for which I momentarily lost my mind.
My head is now neck. My brain on the bedside table.
-morrow I must go to Milan-Milan-
? -
-We have a congress and the client must be planned now-
-Offi .. but you promised me that he went ...
-Tomorrow I am going to Milan. Stop. -
-Mamma mia ... that nervousness is not any chicken that is knocking on this door-girl says a voice from brushing his chest .- Do not you put the card busy ..? -
begins to make a kitten. All women know how to become cat, but some also grow whiskers and claws. Silvia was one of them.
We had sex all night.
do not know how I did. Anxiety gripped me. But it was not the best way to think, to escape from my feelings, not to talk and confide in, not to let her know anything, do not worry. Precisely for this reason I began to think of loving her.
The acid sound of the alarm clock off my miserable hours of sleep.
reached out and turn off the alarm with the eyelids and lips glued.
are in a coma. I sleep a bastard. The anxiety I shake the brain as a shock, as a fall on deaf ears. I open my eyes and I am in yesterday. But I have to face today. Silvia
sleeping. Better that way.
My typical moody post-awakening touch new heights. One of his hands trying in vain to stop shooting toward my slippers. Through the passage with the cloth in his hand.
I turn on the radio in the bathroom.
and ... all the children are insane ...
Even the doors. The end yet.
As a soundtrack. Jim Morrison still wakes up with me and the accompanying roar of water drops on my body, my brain, my bad thoughts. But do not wash them away.
I construct a hypothetical case from a business trip. Tie a tie. Tie my words in his mouth. Tie a kiss to the woman that night, maybe during my restless dreams came into my world, but now can not remember anything in the morning.
are in front of a steaming hot cappuccino in the usual coffee shop.
A half-natural, thanks
.--L 'have taken great last night?-Nicholas mumbles to the bartender that makes a good start each year my day.
smile. Pag me away the hours lawyers, procurement, construction workers and students, who flock to the bar, waiting for their breakfast.
I take a taxi.
-All 'through airport-
I'm not afraid. The cowards have no fear. They flee before it. I'm going to make me be afraid.
not catch a flight attendant for so so beautiful. Stangoni a blonde with two emerald beads for eyes. He smiles. He does it all with the practice, but my mood is still entitled to it. He drew the newspaper's gossip
carefully concealed in the Corriere della Sera. A flight in the company of tits to the wind last tissue is what it takes to get to Sardinia. There are thirty
minutes to landing, while the hostess I need a glass of water with the same care that it would take for a flute of Dom Perignon. He has bony hands and nails well manicured.
I can doze off despite the fetid breath of the elderly fellow who fight all the way to my elbow, for the possession of the armrest of the chair. The exhausting fight will end in a draw. Welcome
-to-Air-Sardinia Cagliari thanks you and looks forward to welcoming you on board ...
Fuck you, you're the only ones who take this course and thank me for having chosen well.
go down the ladder and sniff deeply of the salty air of the island.
A pale sun, but hot, and I slurred speech drag in my country and because of my back.
It's hot. It is 10 am on a Tuesday in mid-April and is already a hot Executioner.
There is a fair go by the airport of Cagliari. Many jackets and ties, some Longetti and heels. And then they, the students beggars.
I pause to watch one that is in line for a sandwich. It has three cases older than him, long beard, jeans unmade. Inevitably remember my return, my pilgrimages university, my dreams.
-Ferrari! Alessandro Ferrari! -
Chi ... caz.
A voice not entirely unknown to me turns shooting, and blows a bubble as my thoughts.
The harsh law of the airports and stations. Someone who does not want to meet, always meet him at the end.
Claudio Chiarelli, Claudio Chiarelli's lawyer, former university knowledge, looks at me with eyes of mock surprise and ill-concealed superiority.
listening, nodding at regular intervals, pavoneggiante the story of the last decade of his life, and as he looked stiff in his dark gray suit and a tie hung in the largest of its brain, the fact that it has opened as a codpiece when I met him the appeal of private law, fifteen years earlier.
He became what he dreamed of being. A big shot. A servile and precise dolphin one of the most powerful and influential lawyers Rome.
-And you? how to turn life-my friend calls stared at from head to toe.
the word friend, I have a small risk of regurgitation and spit my coffee on the black of his shirt spotless.
-Not bad-I say, do I pay for the coffee and leave. Avoid
my attempt svicolante, uncomfortably putting a hand on his shoulder. My nerves are stretched. We never liked them. We do not like right now.
Hey, that crazy and your friend? What has happened? How was his name? - I
Matthew precise with metallic voice, pretending to forget her.
- ... ... Rassu Rassu is Matthew, but it is true that the antique dealer? Incredible ... I'd like someone like him review too. Why not organize a small reunion? -
I hear the throbbing tendons.
-Damn i'am I greet you dear Claudio. It 's always a pleasure to see someone emerge in this country of poor-me holds out his hand, almost embarrassed by my haste but visibly gratified by harping fake.
I take my bag and leave it there.
-See you soon, Ferrari-
-raised his hand and turned his back went on. Then I stop a second. I turn to him:-clear, take care ... and shut the cage! -
I get off the taxi and walk into a numb Cagliari by a sun which now has become more intense. The smell out of the port that I savor from the station, it mixes with salt appicicaticcia typical sensation on the skin.
watch the traffic of machines divided by rows of palm trees in two of Via Roma, where the white towers of the City Hall offer refinement and elegance. Cagliari
for me has always been the master of the ship and crew.
I need to call Matthew.
I just € 1. Knowing the capacity of my friend's summary should suffice.
rings.
-Si-ready
-Matthew-
-Ale-
Silence.
-Matteo I only have one euro coins, where you see-?
Ah-ah, you're always stingy in all circumstances-old boy
His laugh cheers me calm, but his tone becomes serious again and precise. Get-
the first train to Orissa. Should there be one in ten minutes, gets a car and see the sea, usually placed at 14e30. I've been clear? -
-Crystalline ... son of a bitch. How the hell the bill a machine-pressed back
-you-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu- you-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu ... ..
I put in the queue for the ticket.
And if it was a joke? And if I'm shooting a film in series c iperstressato my brain work? And damned if this had organized this farce, just to get a couple of days at sea with me like old times?. And he knows how many times I told him to stop playing to play the hero, I'm ten years since I talk about it anymore.
I've always been more afraid of him.
could not joke about certain things.
And I have more and more convinced that those things are.
Shit. Three minutes and I leave the train. The ticket office is deserted.
vain to ask two girls sitting nearby.
-Hei! -
beaten two vigorous blows on the glass and finally appears a fat and greasy mustache. Open shirt, curls of hair out and patches of sweat, he approaches the door and mutters something with his mouth full. I grab the note and sketch away.
laugh alone, while running, holding my tie with one hand and close the bag in the other. I'm making a trip back with my mind, forty, or twenty years is always the same thing. Still
Trains run after all my
succeed in losing one in Sardinia is very firm. Only at the end of the cigarette of a controller, and after a long and intense kiss between a young man in uniform and his girlfriend, the motor vehicle noise emanating claims is set in motion.
Welcome back to Mexico.
The train is full. Curse me the ticket that caused the delay. I can find a single empty seat. Before me, a nun with a hairy mole near the lip, and beside her, a woman in her 65s, very thin lips and a boldly colored fuchsia lipstick of place than ever.
I do not stand the sight.
run for cover, closing his eyes and let myself be kissed by the rays of warmth when filtered by window. I think Silvia.
When you try your best ... you do not succed.
What You Want When You Kept but not what you need ... When you feel so tired
But you can 'sleep ...
Open my eyes instinctively, the blue station Marriottsville. No sister, no fuchsia lipstick. A cute brunette with big eyes and dark is staring at me and smiles as he listens to his MP3 volume absurd.
I must have snored like an orangutan with asthma.
smiled back. Embarrassed I fix it on his jacket.
-Good choice, I love Coldplay, I have all their CD-I say by the indifferent.
But you can not hear me and continues to giggle.
Just a few minutes now.
Damn you Matthew.
I get a call from Silvia, brief, but enough to cheer me as only she can do.
time to lie shamelessly, close the phone, and hear the giggling brunette, this time put out the music and feel my lies. The train stops.
Oristano.
I take my suitcase and get out fast. None of my knowledge in the small, quiet resort.
front of the bar three young soldiers and two drunks. Later two boys smoking a joint next to a freight car.
I light a cigarette. I need a car. Fewer people call unless I have to give explanations. I value the idea of \u200b\u200bgoing to visit my mother and my father. Discarded. Take too long and too many words.
I have a great desire to embrace them but ..
Idea. Carlo
the bodybuilder.
Problem solving. Here's what it's like this empty phrase curriculum.
comes out clean from possible trouble.
I make a phone call, some lies and condition are on the road that will take me to the place fixed for the meeting, the wheel of a heavenly Diane completely battered. More
I approach the source of my anxiety and not think about it. I drive with the air in your face and music in her eyes.
I feel the smell of my sea calling me. A slight breeze ripples the sounds, spreading them sparkling them together with those of my friend and brings them back to me.
We are neighbors. Road
white powder hot, dry Central. The jalopy is advancing, creating sounds never heard before in a cockpit. I smile, thinking of the face that will get seeing Matthew on this machine.
Now I am not afraid.
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